During pre-marital counseling, my pastor gave my beautiful wife and I the secret to making marriage last.  The story he told us on the journey to revealing the secret, is the one where King Solomon is asked to determine, between two quarreling women, the real mother of a newborn baby.  Because King Solomon can not get either woman to admit that she is not the mother of the baby, Solomon renders a fierce verdict: cut the baby in half and hand each mother a portion.  Realizing that it is better to keep her baby alive than to be “right” and end up with half of a baby, the real mother commits the ultimate sacrifice & request that the King give the other woman the baby so that her child can live.  Recognizing that only the real mother would make this type of sacrifice, King Solomon gives the child back to his rightful mother.  The moral of the story: if you are ever at a point in your marriage where things have gone incredibly bad and you have to make a choice between personal sacrifice (being right) and splitting the marriage (re: baby) in two, always be willing to make the personal sacrifice in order to see the marriage live.

When I heard the story, I stored it away for a rainy day, believing that, perhaps, one to three times in my lifetime I may have to make this incredible sacrifice.  I was armed with wisdom and would be ready if, and when, the time ever came.  However, recently I’ve come to a stunning realization.  This idea is not to be stored away for a rainy day; it is to be used every single day of my marriage.  Every day, we have to be willing to make personal sacrifices (even when we are right) in order to see our marriages succeed.  That means going to the store for our spouse even when we don’t feel like it.  It means planning units of quality time with each other every week, even when we want nothing more but to be at home and be lazy.  It means meeting our spouse’s intimate needs, even when we just want to roll over and go to sleep.

I have come to realize that, the war for a successful marriage is one of daily battles; it is not about being prepared for the once-in-a-lifetime epic battle.  The truth is, if you are not sacrificing every day to ensure the marriage (baby) lives, than by the time you get to the once-in-a-lifetime situation where you really have to choose the baby or yourself, it just might be too late.