if you amplify the comment to be much bigger than social media but instead a true life lesson, the brilliance of the comment is in the idea that reaching your own destiny is only part of the equation; truly extraordinary people don’t only fulfill their destiny but they also help other people fulfill theirs. what a powerful thought that is counterintuitive for this day and age.  it’s counterintuitive because, nowadays, we get too caught up with me, me, me.  my goals.  my dreams.  my money.  my life.  but who else are we helping?  who else are we touching?  if they answer is no one, then we will never be great; we will never be truly extraordinary.  it all goes back to how we are choosing to measure life and, the reality is, those who are measuring wins by only counting the points they are personally putting on the scoreboard are only keeping track of half of the score.

yet it is easy to forget the middle. it is easy to lose track of the piece that lacks the sexiness, excitement and intrigue of a new beginning. and it’s easy to ignore that, which does not carry the celebration or heaviness that comes along with an ending. nevertheless, the middle is where it all goes down. the middle is where we create change. and the middle is where we generate lasting impact. so get excited about your new beginnings and feel free to mourn or celebrate your endings; however, don’t forget to focus most of your energy on squeezing the most out of the middle because, the middle, is where we happen.

every day, at every interaction, we, as leaders, family members, friends, employees, etc., are either creating or destroying value in the organizations and lives of the people we touch. without the numbers always there as a scoreboard, it is easy to lose track of this truth.  but in the absence of hard numbers, we need only to look at key indicators such as: change in morale, retention of stars & closest relationships, and growth in those around us to evaluate how we are performing.  and like companies, human nature is geared towards growth; therefore, we have essentially destroyed value with anyone who has remained stagnant after continuous interaction with us.

having trouble constantly creating value?  one way to learn how to consistently create value is to study the life of someone who has proven they have done it successfully time and time again.  take michael jordan for instance.  mj is known for saying that, before he stepped on to the court, he thought about those who had never witnessed the excitement or entertainment of seeing him play and then he performed for them.  to jordan, the entertainment and excitement he brought to the table was his way of providing value – and so he sought to do just that every chance he had.  perhaps we would not have the breadth of spectacular plays that we have come to know and love jordan for had he defined his way of adding value differently.  and so, from mj’s life, we learn that one of the best ways to ensure you are creating value at every turn is to know yourself and define how you will most often seek to create value - doing so will have an impact on your behavior.

are you creating value daily?  if not, perhaps you should take a look at what you bring to the table and make a conscious effort to do exactly that every time you step on the court!

along the way…there will be pain.  there will be disappointment.  there will be heartbreak.  there will be frustration.  and it is not until the day you get to give birth to your dream and look that baby in the eye that you will truly be able to appreciate it’s beauty.  but until then, the best we can do is be mentally prepared for the pain that will inevitably come and be ready to fight to bring to life the most beautiful thing we have ever seen.

everything comes at a cost.  nothing is free.  heck, even choosing to settle comes at a cost. so why should birthing our dreams be any different?  it’s not.  fulfilling your dreams and the potential inside of you will cost you money and time, but also know, there will be tears with that baby.  you just have to know that when it’s all said and done, the pain will be more than worth it in the end.

the secret to accomplishing the goals and dreams that you have worked so hard to define is this: work towards them every day because, no matter how big or small, progress will eventually add up to completion. what may stop us from inching along is the need for instant success, failure to see beyond our current progress, or the inability to envision our little steps adding up to accomplish our big dream. however, we should remember that life is not always about feet and yards, it can often be won in inches (after all, rome wasn’t built in a day).

what could you accomplish in 5 years if you took 5 minutes every day to inch towards that goal?  stop wondering and start inching.  after all, the inches we need are every where.

Humans are designed to move forward. It’s in our DNA. We are wired to progress. I once heard it best expressed from a spiritual standpoint: which is that the armor of the lord, as expressed in the bible, is all front facing b/c God did not design us to move backwards. Whether you are Christian or not, the truth remains. We all want things to get better. A better house, a better job, a better body, a better life. a better whatever, you fill in the blanks.

The key to moving forward is having a clear idea of ones desired future. As individuals, we must paint a vivid picture of the future we personally desire. It must be defined and clearly articulated. can you truly love someone if, to you, love is an ambiguous, escapable, magical term? can you be a great man if you have not yet decided what it truly means to be a man. the answer is, no, because we can not accomplish or be that, which we have failed to define. A new friend recently just told me to choose the top 3 breakthroughs things I wanted to do in my job this year; otherwise I might as well leave. What was she saying…without a clear picture of your desired future, you will end up somewhere w/ more experience but it may not be that helpful to your overall journey.

So what does all of this have to do with new Year’s resolutions? If your new year’s resolutions are disjointed activities, rooted in the past and not connected to a broader vision or purpose – the answer is that they are typically a waste of time. If you are making them just to make them, don’t – because after it’s all said and done, what will you have gained except the experience of doing them for 30 days before you break them? However, if they are part of a deeper vision and you have an understanding of how they will help you get to your desired future, you will be more likely to keep them because they will be more meaningful and purposeful to you.

So Coming into 2nd month of The year I would ask you to start at the end. What is it that you want to say you did at the end of the year. Take time to develop ideas about what your new future should look like. Where exactly do you want to be in 2012. Write those ideas down. Let those ideas flourish and grow. After that, write down all of the actions you must take or behaviors you must change in order to get there. Call these actions resolutions, next steps, whatever, just do them. Recognize that doing them is not about maintaining some tradition or being part of a meaningless act we all participate in for 30 days and stop, but about helping you accomplish a much broader goal, creating the better future you truly want.

right now, many of us are in painful situations. we hate our jobs. we don’t have enough money to cover the bills of everyone in our circle. we have lost someone we care about by no choice of our own.  and/or the brands we manage continue to see declining sales.  but the longer we focus on the pain that stems from these challenging situations, the longer we will continue to feel pain.  stop seeing your pain as the problem and start fixing what is causing the pain in the first place.  that arm will never feel better until you go to the doctor and that hand will not stop burning until you remove it from the stove. until the problem is removed, your system (emotional, peer, adviser, etc) will continue to signal that damage is here or inevitably coming. and be wise enough to recognize that proper action does not always immediately eliminate the pain but it will put you on the path to recovery so you can heal (similar to going to see a doctor when you have a broken arm).

evaluate your life today. where are the places you feel pain?  ignore the pain, find the problem, and take action to solve it. what action is necessary to improve the way you feel about your job or close your monthly dollar gap or help you move past the feeling of deep loss or reverse the sales trend you are seeing?  the pain is there.  i know it hurts.  but it’s just your wonderful system letting you know that something needs your attention and it’s time for you to take action.

last year i started a new tradition.  because i am blessed (incredibly blessed), i have stopped asking for presents on my birthday and started asking for a different type of gift: for the people in my life to do something different in their life instead.  last year i asked you all to make one extraordinary choice that week.  i spent my birthday yesterday thinking of what i could ask this year, and i decided that this time around i am going to ask you to define something. anything.  pick one thing that you have failed to define in your life and define it right now.

what am i talking about?  over the course of the last few years i have truly realized the importance of defining things.  sometimes we call them goals.  sometimes we call them visions.  we call them lots of things.  it doesn’t matter; what matters is the truth behind why we must define things.  and the truth is, we can not accomplish or be that, which we have failed to define.

can you truly love someone if, to you, love is an ambiguous, escapable, magical term?  can you be a great man if you have not yet decided what it truly means to be a man (or at least reevaluated your definition since your teenagers years)?  can you be a great leader to the people you are asking to follow you if you have no clue of what that means you must accomplish?  can you be or do what you haven’t defined?  the answer is no. defining things–taking them out of the ambiguous and making them concrete, tangible, and real–is a vital starting point for both the imagination and  helping you accomplish extraordinary things in your life. so for this birthday in 2011 my request to you is, please pick at least one thing you have yet to define and define it now.

in the comments, if you are willing, i would love for you to tell me what you are defining this year along with the definition (if you have it).  i am going to spend the weekend defining a few things myself (what it means to be a great husband and director of client services/leader at work this year for starters, since they are two new roles for me).  i will share with you if you are interested.  god bless and thanks to all of those who take the time to grant me my special gift.

earlier this week, one of my coworkers shared a wonderful idea.  this summer she started counting her blessings, literally.  she created a list of all of the things she had to be thankful for over the course of the year.  as you can imagine, as days went by the list continued to grow because she either (1) happened to remember things from the past she had forgotten to include the day she originated the list or (2) had new things to be thankful for.  and now she has pages full of all the good things that have happened to her this year as a reminder of all she has going for her.

it’s so easy to underestimate how much we have to be thankful for when we try to remember off of the top of your head or right before we close our eyes and go to sleep.  and, of course, it’s near impossible for us to recall all of the good in our life when we are in the middle of one of life’s bad situations.  the truth is: it’s hard to be thankful and stay thankful for all that we have because we aren’t keeping sufficient track of our blessings.

my challenge to you. create a list today of everything you have to be thankful for in your life.  add to it every day until thanksgiving.  and when you wake up next thursday (thanksgiving day), maybe you’ll discover that you have more to be thankful for than you have imagined.

“empty your mind, be formless, shapeless – like water. now you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup, you put water into a bottle, it becomes the bottle, you put it in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. now water can flow or it can crash. be water, my friend.”

how often do we learn one way of doing things and try to force it into every problem we run into (square peg in round hole syndrome)?  i’m not judging, just asking.  in fact today, i need this reminder myself because, over the last few weeks, one thing has become abundantly clear- the leadership style that has gotten me to this position, is not the leadership style that is going to enable me to continue being successful. in order to win, i need to adopt different leadership styles for the different situations (people, problems, etc) i face.

i’m hoping that this thought is relevant for you today as well.  before the week begins take a moment to think about work, your important relationships, and your life to ask yourself:  are you leveraging the same style everywhere you go and is it working?  if not, perhaps you need to look at shifting your style to match the situation versus hoping the style you are most comfortable with is always going to be the right answer. just a thought.  think about it.  and remember to “be water, my friend.”